Travel

Road Trip For Two Please...

Having just returned from a campervan trip from Perth to Monkey Mia I feel compelled to document some of the stories that my travel companion and I have after our week long exploration of the North West coast of Australia. Such was the range of hectic adventures that us two delightful Irish ladies could very well have died... Just kidding, we’re not really ladies.

Seeing as we managed to make the journey with no money, no map, and only a pinch of common sense, I thought I could depart with some of my newly acquired roadtrip knowledge to those less well versed in campervan travel.

Follow these tips to the letter and you’ll make it to the other end completely unscathed*.

DON’T…
… drive off with your campervan door open and not notice for a few minutes. This will result in you losing your bag with all your belongings for the trip, including clothes, toothbrush, shoes etc, never to be found again.
… forget to air out your camper at each stop to dry bum sweat stains from the seats before swapping drivers.
…buy tins of beans to last a week when you have no tin opener. This will, however, help you hone your skills of opening tins with a butterknife.
…forget to throw your goon in the freezer upon campsite arrival. Cheap wine, hot from a day in a van, does no-one any favours.
… try and ride an emu after aformentioned goon. They will try and peck your face.
… kiss weird German boys just for a packet of chewing gum.
… start to substitute a swim in the sea for actual showers, just because there’s water involved does not mean it counts as washing. People will notice when your hair turns into a salty straw-like helmet.
… forget to try and achieve an all-over tan, no-one appreciates a white arse.  My travel buddy likened hers to a lighthouse calling to all the ships at sea.

DO…
… be prepared to catch a glimpse of your friend’s white arse. You may even get to flash yours to a whole campsite, because getting changed while lying down in a camper is just awkward.
… try and start your roadtrip with a cold. This way you won’t be able to smell the odours permeating your overheated camper (and yourself after a few days in the same clothes after losing your bag)
… play obnoxious hip-hop music and strike a gangster pose as you cruise into a campsite. This gives your battered van a little street cred.
… borrow snorkels from obliging owners rather then buy/rent your own. Some might say to steal said snorkels but I would never knowingly encourage people to do that. (Do it).
… try and steal a pelican. I hear they make great pets.
… pull over your camper as soon as it starts to sound like a dying hairdryer. Overheated engines: about as fun as they sound. So no fun basically.
… flirt with weird German boys to get free goon.
… make lots of mix cds but forget to write whats on any of them. This adds an element of surprise to the trip.

*The author retains no responsibility for any mishaps that may occur if any of the above advice is followed. In fact, it’s probably best you ignore everything that’s been written here…

 Adding to the sweaty bum stains no doubt... Driving the camper in Shark Bay

In the water at Little Lagoon, near Denham. The water does not get any deeper than that..

Little Lagoon.

In our new place. It's surprisingly cosy.

Taking a break from the road and airing out our badass campervan.

The beach at Monkey Mia, the perfect place for pelican capturing. I mean watching.

Eyeing up said pelicans...

Turtle! Also make great pets.

The dolphins at Monkey Mia. Not such great pets, so I hear. Probably something to do with their need for salt water...

Shell beach in Shark Bay. The name is pretty self explanatory...

Shark watching, at Eagle Bluff point. No sightings unfortunately, not too surprised though seeing as it was situated near Disappointment Reach. (It really is).

Sunset at Money Mia.

In the water at Kalbarri National park. Pretending to be a crocodile, usual shenanigans.

Standard tourist pose - at Kalbarri.

Sunset watching, at the cliffs just outside Kalbarri town.